'BISAYA'

isang araw na wala akong magawa
naisip kong lakbayin ang mundo ng internet
YM...chat...culture...language...tagalog
umasang may magandang mapapala

"wala kang karapatang kumanta! kupal!"
ang mga unang katagang nabasa ko
sa isip ko - ano ba tong napasok ko?
ngunit ako'y nanahimik at nakinig

may nag-gigitara at kumakanta
hmmm...in fairness, magaling sya
ilang minuto pa...
hindi lang pala singer, stand-up comedian din

ako'y nawili...nabighani...nakulam
hindi ko napansin ang oras
8 hours na pala kong nakatunganga
nakikinig at nagbabasa lang

buwan ang lumipas...wala pa rin akong masabi
tahimik na hinangaan ang tinawag na kupal
hanggang isang araw...
hindi ko na natiis sumingit sa usapan

"love is equally emotion and decision"
yan ang nabanggit ko
nakuha ko ang atensyon ni 'bisaya'
at lalong gumulong ang puso ko

bisaya...bisaya...bisaya...
unti-unti akong nahulog sa isang bisaya
hinangaan...pinangarap...minahal
ngunit alam kong kailangang wakasan

dumaan ang mga araw
nakilala ko siya ng mabuti
nakausap...nakabiruan...naging kaibigan
tama, kaibigan

hindi pala siya ang hinahanap ko
hindi pala katulad niya ang gusto ko
hindi pala siya ang pinapangarap ko
iba pala...iba pala...

i think i need a spiritual adviser. for the past few months, i've been struggling with my prayer time and service for God. believe it or not, i can't put a finger to the exact reason why i'm experiencing such. i guess it's caused by a lot of factors (multiple causation eto! hehehe). but whatever reason i have, i know that it's not enough for me to forget about Him. i miss Him... so many times i catch myself flashing back from memory those moments when i was so close to Him... the way i tell Him about my day, about the people i meet, the jokes i recently learned...i miss our moments, our time with each other. and on top of everything, i miss the comfort and the peace that His love brings.

you know what confuses me? i don't know why i keep running away from Him. it's beyond my understanding the reason why i always turn my back whenever He calls me home. but the truth is, i WANT to go home. i long for His hug, His care, for His love.

why do i feel scared? scared that i might let Him down again...that the pit of failure for me is too big that there's a huge possibility that i'll fall. i need His help. badly.

BIO class... uh-huh!

i don't know what's getting into me... maybe i'm looking for something that would give me a different kind of thrill. yeah, other than the impulses brought about by the fast-paced life in the university. or maybe i'm just in need of a constant companion. all my friends habe their own deadlines to beat, own schedules to attend to, and even own 'significant' relationships to engage into. most of the time these other things keep us from seeing each other. and i find myself alone more often these past weeks. hmmmm... or most probably i'm just making a big fuss out of things because i'm so bored in my Bio class. and it's actually the major factor why i'm writing these words! hahahahaha!!! not to mention that this room is a dead spot (oo! primitive tong room na to!)

Not so fantastic...

have you ever felt so different? riza, kim, kris, mayen and i went to watch Fastastic 4 yesterday afternoon. funny thing is... i cried in the middle of the movie! hehehe... yeah, you read it right - i cried. oops! don't get me wrong, okay? the movie is pretty funny especially when 'The Torch' boasts about his incredible looks and personality...and that scene where 'elastic man' looked so gross stretching his extremities.

however i found myself wiping away the tears rolling down my cheeks when ben was so down, so depressed because of how ugly and unwanted he felt. and i can't forget that line he said, "I wish I'm the one who's invisible."

we all do feel that sometimes, don't we?

sometimes insecurity eats me up and swallows my confidence altogether. this is definitely one of those moments... honestly, after my previous relationship...these depressive attacks come so often.

<sighs> Lord, i need a hug...

island hopping!!!

on our second day in puerto gallera, we toured the whole island... cool, eh?! gee... this is one of the most memorable days of my life... sobra ang bonding moments namin ng araw na to - we made the most of this day and we all went back to the resort so tired and so exhauted from having so much fun!

additonal info about the previous picture... hehe!

notice my eyes in the last picture i posted? the one taken in the eatery?... oh well i just cried at that time... ung mga nakwentuhan ko na kung anong nangyari, you'll be able to know what i mean... hehehe!!!

we love you, manang!!!

because we had limited budget, first thing we did when we get to the resort was to find a store or a restaurant outside where we can have cheaper meals... thank God 'cause there's this karinderya near the resort - we paid like P50 per meal... not bad, eh?!

oceana resort!

puerto gallera!!! woohoo!!! this picture was taken in one of the rooms in Oceana resort... food is prohibited (pero syempre dahil pasaway kami, nagtago kami ng food sa loob ng bag! hehehe!!!)

hahaha!!! horse racing!!! ang kulit kasi ni sara eh... she wanted to try it so badly - so i obliged! grabe!!! nakaka-pagod pa lang mag-racing! tapos dapat pa hindi ka completely nakaupo dun sa horse! whew!!! but that was a pretty hilarious experience... 

after the hospital internship last semester, our group decided to go out and have a fun day... so we went to glorietta to bond and just detoxify ourselves - galing kong mag-dance rev, no?! (hahaha as if)  

panalo... halos hindi na ko nasama sa picture! bastos! hehehe... this was a lab session - with Dean Laurente 

we spent the morning of Valentine's day in the hospital... and the 3 sweet guys in our group surprised us by giving us long-stemed roses. aren't they so sweet??? of course we also had something for them... we gave them chocolates!  

this was our last day in ward15... i enjoyed our two weeks here and got used to bathing newborns every morning that i missed it when we left. the babies are so cute!!! we'd always ask the mothers if we can hold/carry their babies... take care of them while they take a bath or take a nap... sobrang ang sarap nilang alagaan! i really love kids!!! 

yeah, yeah... they're too tall - kaya nga ulo ko na lang ang nakita, di ba?!  

let me share some of our pictures last semester... this was taken in the nurses' station in ward 15 (maternal ward) - ayun ako o! nasa dulo... hehehe! 

"Ignorance is not an excuse" (yeah right... haha!!)

I woke up so refreshed this morning - was singing in the shower... chatted and laguhged with anjo (my cousin) while dressing up (yeah of course we were almost screaming)... said my usual goodbye (with my radiant morning smile, yes)... was singing praise and worship songs on the way to school (this is my morning prayer time)... and i arrived 5 minutes before time.

everything was goin on so great... til i opened the door of the classroom and saw all of my classmates wearing our hospital uniform - KABOOM!!!

i was telling myself, "ok, calm down... so what if they're in uniform? we'll just have plain and simple lecture today"... but honestly, i was in the first phase of my panic attack (hehehe!!!)

before i had the chance to sit, ghia (one of my closest college friends) harshly said (she acts like she's my older sister, go figure!), "pasaway ka na naman, mel ah!!! ano yang suot mo?!" with innocent eyes and look on my face, i turned to see her... "huh? ah eh... ano? uhhh... uhmmm... pants? naka-orange ako... cute, no?" i tried not to notice her amusement when my words sinked in to her. but both of us couldn't hide the humor in the situation so we both laughed...

okay, okay... so i wasn't informed that we'd have a clinical visit (and my professor made sure i got her message clear) - Ignorance is not an excuse. (hahahaha!!! right!) i admit... i didn't ask. ok... my fault... im sorry.

but God is so nice to me... when we arrived in the conference room of the OR unit, the head nurse approached me and said it's okay to wear casual clothes (whew!!! i guess my nervousness was pretty obvious - hehehe!!!).

what a lovely morning!

A cool believer's MUSINGS

Hey friends!!! I'm starting an online journal here... Back in high school, Ms. Jay (my favorite teacher - she teaches English, go figure! hehe) required us to submit a journal every quarter. It was our choice how many entries we'd write, as long as we do it regularly. Because I liked the idea of writing about my day, about my friends, about my family, about my life... I decided to have daily entries in my journal. And it became a habit... even when I graduated high school and entered college, I still find myself smiling while expressing myself in writing journal entries.

And today... I've decided to share my world and my life with you... (hehehe! I hope you're as excited and thrilled as I am)

May this blog help you see how beautiful life can be! (oops! there are potholes and bumps in my life too... you'll even be amazed how often they come! hehehe)

ang ipis... bow!!!

merong isang ipis
nakita ko sa pader
akala ko patay na
kaya wala ako care

sabi ng pinsan ko
"em, itapon mo!"
sumagot naman ako
"sige kukunin ko"

palapit ng palapit
tiya'y namimilipit
hindi ko matiyak
kung dahil sa ipis

dahan-dahan inilapit
ang stick na pang-sungkit
pagdampi nito sa gilid
ayun lumipad si ipis!!!

"buhay pa, buhay pa!"
ang sigaw ko sa sala
"patayin mo, patayin mo!"
lahat na'y nagkagulo!

Hmmm... not boring after all

you know what? when i woke up this morning, all i had in mind was to attend my class, go home right after, then proceed to studying for my exam... boring isn't it? hehehe... i was in Starbucks with Kim and Kris (yeah, yeah... they're now a couple... ang cute, no?!), and Mayen yesterday... and i told them how bored I am with my daily routines. It's as if there's nothing that drives me to get up and face the day with enthusiasm.

i said to myself..."maybe this is the 'moving on' phase". you know...'moving on' phase... uhmmm the phase after letting go of the feelings you have for your 'ex' and as well as the hurts and pains you experienced with him. YUN!!! yun mismo! hehehe... ung tipong after all that happened, tapos na... wala na... wala ka nang iniisp... wala ka nang pinoproblema... and that's probably the reason why i was not so eager to find out what the day has to offer me.

but here's what... that's all crap! hehehehe!!! just this afternoon, i realized that God has given me a lot of things to draw out inspiration from... having a boyfriend or having a 'special someone' is not a requirement for you to be so energetic and so blissful. ang dami-daming blessing ni God sa 'kin... and every time i stop to look at my day, i discover more of those... hindi ko lang madalas napapansin kasi hindi dun ung focus ko.

i figured... i was already a joyful, funny and optimistic person even before i met 'him'... it's not meeting him or having him that made my life so beautiful... it was already so wonderful then - and it is still NOW.

this is passe... but i'll write it anyway (hehehehe!!!) it's his loss, not mine. (way to go!!!)

i'm a lot more grateful to God now... because after all the hurts, i've learned the most essential things.

food!!! mahilig talaga kaming kumain... whenever we have a family gathering, food is always abundant. hehehe!!! ang saya, no?! you'll see more of our eating habits when i share more pictures of my family... haha! wag po ma-turn off ang mga guys... hehehe!!! nagpapapayat na naman ako eh... 

astig!!!! akala nyo magaling ako mag-billiards no?? hehehe... i just posed for the picture! hahahaha... i had you fooled... 

ah alam ko na!!! this is also the night when we had a bon voyage party for tito cesar (kuya alex's dad who just went back for 2 weeks... they're living in new york now) 

aba... wagi sa pose! hahahaha!!!  

my kuya and me.... cute namin, no? hehehe... after Godstruck concert pa rin po yan... i think that was some time September or October... sorry, I can't remember the exact date... let me check my journal on that one. hehehe!!! 

o ayan... isa sa mga billiards bonding moment naming magpipinsan... hehehe!!! i think that was after the youth concert. nakita nyo ung print dun sa shirt namin? GODSTRUCK! it was a Catholic youth conference from 6pm to 6am... we had 7 performances that night... hehehe!!! oops... hindi nagsawa ang crowd sa'min.... panalo sa talent yata to! hehehe!!! 

see how cute we look??? hehehehe!!! notice that kuya alex was on the phone? that's because every time we're together, our family abroad keeps calling... as in halos maghapon silang tumatawag!!! just for everyone to feel that they're not far away... hehehe!!! 

ang cute no??? this was taken last christmas... my dad used to work in a balloon factory and he gets free balloons on special holidays... kaya un! we filled the house with balloons!!! if you were there, the floor was covered with balloons in different colors! astig, no?!  

there! that's pretty much the whole gang... uhmmm i mean me and my cousins (mother's side)... ung mga natitira na lang dito sa pilipinas. there's apple (who is also my best friend), kuya alex (the family's clown), kuya jonef (works in a call center), jet (sobrang tangkad nyan! as in!!! hehe), anjo (apple's brother...i live with him and apple during week days), menard (my younger brother na feeling ko kuya ko rin because he treats me like a younger sister most of the time), and my kuya (looks like he didn't undergo open heart surgery, eh? he's ok now... currently taking his 2nd degree - Nursing sa perpetual) 

we had white wine too that night... actually midnight to ng new year eh... hehehe... 

the one with a bonnet is kuya jonef. he paid for that pizza... 'cause at that time, siya lang ung working sa'min... ngayon, 3 na silang mga kuya na may work... kuya alex (person who took this picture) is recently hired as an industrial engineer... 

luma na nga pala tong mga pictures na to... kasi hindi pa pinpadala nung pinsan ko ung recent pictures namin eh 

on our way to tagaytay... just to feel the cold new year breeze up there, hehehe! bonding na rin para sa 'ming magpipinsan